Bachelorette Recap!

Last night’s episode of The Bachelorette (7/9/12) was chock full of  cliché speeches and corny ‘Dear Ricky letters,’ yet we still have mad love for this show.

On Emily‘s date with Sean, the cameras get more than their fair share of close-ups of his hot bod. (Thank you.) At dinner, Sean reads Emily an awkward ‘Dear Ricky letter,’ which went something like this: “I can never replace your father, but you’ll always be my daughter.” Sean was probably very impressed with himself when he discovered that father and daughter rhyme.

Emily asks Sean to stay the night with her via the ‘Fantasy Suite Card.’ He says yes, they go to the suite, strip down to swimsuits, make out in the hot tub (like they always do at this point in the process), she gets him all worked up and then… sends him home! (No doubt hot and bothered.) Reason given: She wants to be a role model to her daughter.

That’s great! If she wants to be an even better role model to an impressionable young girl, she could also lose the: fake lashes, fake hair extensions, fake capped teeth and caked-on make-up?

 On Jef’s date, he delivers yet another of his rehearsed cliché speeches to the camera, “Everything has progressed perfectly, the way this thing (their relationship) came together was like a crazy painting, where at first I didn’t get it, because it was just the beginnings, but now I can step back and see the Masterpiece.” Barf. You seem so cool Jef, quit it with the clichés already! 

At dinner Jef tells Emily, “I haven’t met two people more perfect for each other.” Funny because we were thinking the exact opposite. He seems more likely to go all ‘Into the Wild’ (sell everything he owns/set off with just a backpack/length of time undetermined/grow a beard/if his baby face allows), than pass out orange slices at little Ricky’s soccer game. Later, when Emily presents Jef with the ‘Fantasy Suite Card,’ he throws her game back in her face! Basically saying: I’d love to but I want to be a good example to my big wholesome polygamist family.

Jef gets one more cheesy cliché in during his ‘Personal Video’ to Emily, which she watches at the Rose Ceremony, “Our dates together have changed my life forever…Can’t wait to watch a thousand sunsets together.” That’s actually only about 3 years…so that doesn’t really say a whole lot.

As for Arie, he is so golly-gosh-darn-good-looking that Emily doesn’t even offer him the ‘Fantasy Suite Card!’ (She doesn’t trust herself.) We see what she means, as the two lovebirds make out like animals right in front of the restaurant; if you listen closely you can hear the short order cooks yelling, “Get a room!” Well, not really. But, she most definitely sends a second man—in less than a week—back to his hotel room extremely hot and bothered.

*Spoiler alert: Sean (far right in photo) gets sent home.*
It’s now down to the last two — Hottie Arie (left) and hipster Jef (middle).

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