Tom Cruise is scared that he may have to take a paternity test to prove that he is Suri’s real father!

Tom Cruise is crazy mad over all these tabloid accusations, like Scientology is a cult (that sounds pretty accurate) and he had Katie Holmes sign a wifey contract that bound her to rules and a 5 year obligation (also probably true). But the one that really bothers his inner alien is the one about Suri’s paternity.

We told you one of those theories last week. Katie was engaged to American Pie’s Chris Klein but she ditched him and immediately became engaged and pregnant to Tom. So the rumor that’s been floating around since Suri’s birth is that Katie was already preggers with Chris’ baby when she met Tom. It really added fuel to the fire that Suri was hidden away from the public for three months after she was born.

Other (unlikely) baby daddy possibilities according to the always reliable internet- Dawson’s Creek co-star Joshua Jackson and Josh Harnett. I don’t know the connection here but I think anything is possible inside Katie’s womb.

And here’s the least plausible baby daddy explanation… You know how Tom hasn’t fathered any other children? He and giant wife Nicole Kidman adopted two kids but she later spit out some babies with hubby Keith Urban. And his first wife Mimi Rogers never had any of his kids. It’s possible that Tom can’t father any of his children… so one theory is that Katie got turkey basted with frozen sperm of the long-dead Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. Rosemary’s Baby, anyone?

Well Tom is furious that those paternity rumors are out there! He’s afraid that Suri will one day get taunted about her questionable paternity and may even ask him to take a test to prove that he’s her real father! He loves his daughter with all of his heart and is determined to keep a strong bond with her despite all the drama stemming from this divorce.

Sorry that you’re going through all this drama Tom. Hopefully your new wife-to-be can help you through all this…. If she’s not too busy getting basted with the next Scientology baby.