“60 Minutes” interview with ARNOLD SLEAZEBAGER (VIDEO)

Maria Shriver didn’t seem too happy with Arnold’s appearance on 60 Minutes last night—calling the piece “a blow job for Arnold…Lesley Stahl just fawned over him.”

And Maria would know! To get Arnold excited in the bedroom she used to play a video sizzle reel of his life’s ‘total’ accomplishments and then have him ‘recall’ his fondest affairs.

On 60 Minutes and in his book, Arnold freely admits to having an affair with his Red Sonja co-star Brigitte Nielsen, back when he was still dating Maria. You know you had a very serious ‘grenade’ situation when you try to improve your image by telling the world that you ALSO slept with ‘Brigitte Nielsen.’ THANK GOD these two superhumans didn’t conceive a child together though—there’d be no hiding the kid’s identity, plus there’d be a real life TERMINATOR living among us. (Generation-Y and some Xs should know Brigitte from her Strange Love with Flavor Flav, which naturally landed her on Celebrity Rehab).

Arnie was pretty nonchalant while discussing the affair. “You cheated on Maria,” Stahl had to point out, “and you don’t even write that you felt bad about it. You just write it.”

“Actually, you know, I did feel bad about it,” The Sexanator calmly responded. “But all of my different things — they were mistakes, and, you know, my failure. My screw-ups.” He went on to admit that the affair with his 6’1” co-star was just one of many many indiscretions, which he claimed that Shriver was aware.

Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story (a corny title Arnold must have come up with) hits bookshelves — real and virtual — today.