REHASH: 2012 American Music Awards

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*Please note: A complete list of 2012 AMA winners is included at the end. Please also note, that part is boring! Or, at the least, not as much fun as rehashing all of the questionable styling choices and eyebrow-raising antics, which we shall commence with now:

Let’s take Kelly Clarkson for instance… ‘Miss. Independent’ didn’t seem very free in her extremely tight and constricting elastic dress. She had about six inches of stretch to work with…after that she’d have been slingshot into the crowd. (And since they didn’t even bother to sing along when she held out the mic for them to join, they probably wouldn’t felt compelled to catch her either.)

But, Kelly’s dress was nothing compared to Nicki Minaj’s adult diapers or Amy Heidemann from Karmin’s hairpiece. Seriously, what was that on her head? Somewhere a set of curtains is missing its braided tasseled tie back cord. The 2nd tassel was found in Ke$ha’s hair. On the red carpet, Ke$ha was barely recognizable, wearing a demure peach lace dress and a simply hair-do, but the refreshing look didn’t last long… She appeared on stage in another ridiculous get-up, complete with the window treatment-like braid and a bedazzled leotard, which looked more fitting for a Russian figure skater than a hot pop star.

Speaking of hot pop stars, Taylor Swift was looking like one as she whipped her hair around and rolled around on the floor for a bit. Speaking of an admitted pop star, Justin Bieber won for Favorite Pop/Rock Male Artist and decided to thank—not his army of allegiant tween fans—but all of his haters, “This is for all the haters who thought that maybe I was just here for one or two years. But, I feel like I’m gonna be here for a very long time.” He was probably just feeling feisty though, after being fondled by hot presenter—Jenny McCarthy. The cougar nearly mauled fresh meat/freshly single Biebs—a display she described afterward as “cougar rape.”

Artist of the Year: Justin Bieber

Favorite Pop/Rock Male Artist: Justin Bieber

Favorite Pop/Rock Female Artist: Katy Perry

Favorite Pop/Rock Band/Duo/Group: Maroon 5

Favorite Pop/Rock Album:  Believe, Justin Bieber

Favorite Country Female Artist: Taylor Swift

Favorite Country Male Artist: Luke Bryan

Favorite Country Band/Duo/Group: Lady Antebellum

Favorite Country Album: Blown Away, Carrie Underwood

Favorite Rap/Hip-Hop Artist: Nicki Minaj

Favorite Rap/Hip-Hop Album: Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded, Nicki Minaj

Favorite Alternative Rock Music Artist: Linkin Park

Favorite Electronic Dance Music Artist: David Guetta

Favorite Soul/R&B Male Artist: Usher

Favorite Soul/R&B Female Artist: Beyoncé

Favorite Soul/R&B Album: Talk That Talk, Rihanna

Favorite Adult Contemporary Artist: Adele

Favorite Latin Artist: Shakira

Favorite Adult Contemporary Inspirational Artist: tobyMac

New Artist of the Year: Carly Rae Jepsen