Poor Snooki. She hasn’t gotten the memo that she’s not relevant anymore. She and the Jersey Shore crew had a nice run but it’s over. America wins this round.
So although I normally don’t care what Snooki has to say, she gave Kim Kardashian some fashionable advice on how to look hot while she’s birthing out this baby. And for some reason, I’m passing this on to you.
Snooki started off by saying, “First impressions are everything, so when you meet your baby for the first time, you have to look flawless.”
That’s not what I would be worried about during childbirth. I’d be worried about ripping about stitching and stuff.
But here’s her sound advice to Kim. Sorry for the crudeness of the content but I’m just transcribing the crap that’s coming out of her mouth.
#1.) “If your face isn’t already made up when your water breaks, you have plenty of time to do it in the hospital when you’re waiting to dilate. I waited 27 hours and the whole time I just put on makeup and watched cartoons.”
#2.) “Keep an extra pair of eyelashes in your purse just in case your water breaks when you’re not at home. Or just do what I did and bring a whole box.”
#3.) “Bring your own hospital gown because hospital gowns at the hospital are ugly.”
#4.) “Accessorize. Make sure you stay away from the big hoop earrings because it can get caught in your extensions . . . And also if you want to bring a nice, pretty scarf, because trust me you’re gonna get bloated and you’re gonna have a million double chins. So cover that [crap] up.”
#5.) “Get a pedicure at least a week before your due date . . . you always want your feet to be nice and pretty when you give birth . . . Your feet are literally in the air for everyone to see.”
#6.) “Make sure your mascara is water proof because you’re going to cry from the pain of a baby coming through your vagina, and also when you meet your baby for the first time.”
She concluded with the warning, “You’re probably gonna be fartin the doctor’s face and you might even shart, but at least you’ll look fabulous doing it.”
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